I know this has been a long-awaited third for the 13 or so of you who read my first two blog posts. Since it has been so long since the first posts I wanted to go into an overview of the trip and share some of the bigger insights I've seen before delving into the specific adventures. This will also allow me to detail what types of writing you may come across as this adventure continues.
Strangely enough, the most Nick thing I could do would be to pay for a website, start a blog, post twice, and completely forget about it for over two months. Welcome to show biz baby. You could chalk it all up to laziness but there was a bit of method to the madness. I felt like I needed to slow down, break free and fuck off.
Being unable to slow down is universal, if we could come to a perfect stillness Buddha would be more of a poser than a deity, but this problem is exacerbated in the West. We love to set goals, create objectives, follow the path, and pat ourselves on the way as we go. So often this is what affects our self-esteem on a day-to-day basis, we correlate our success of the day with how many little things we get done.
It's why apps that have progression paths such as Candy Crush and Duolingo are so addicting for people. It's why your promotion path is so tantalizing and why there is never a good time to leave that job. As soon as you pass one objective you're onto the next and worst thing that can happen is the loss of progress no matter how minuscule.
You see this a lot in the travel patterns of backpackers. The ones with an agenda for each city they visit. The only recommendations come from tik toks captioned "15 MUST DO THINGS IN BANGKOK". They also love to get upset if you ask them their plan for the day and you don't know about the top local attraction they're knocking off the list.
I wanted to be okay having no plan, doing nothing and not feeling like a piece of shit for it. I wanted to base my self-esteem on the joy I felt from the day not the progress I made.
I needed to break free from the riptide current of social media and travel. The ability to feel like the world revolves around you because a couple of people live vicariously through you has shown to be intoxicating.
It is all too often you meet a nice enough person, you exchange contact information by following each other on Instagram. Seems safe enough... until the motivational quotes start popping up in their stories or notice some kid thinks he is Anthony Bourdain while he's just a drunk who bugs the locals.
Even I got the taste, I redownloaded Instagram to connect with new friends, posted my first ever story, and felt that sweet sweet dopamine hit as I saw the hearts pop up. I slowly started indulging more. Not only by posting but by spending time scrolling. I am in the most beautiful place I've ever visited yet I'd rather see memes or pictures of friends snowboarding back home. Safe to say Instagram was once again deleted.
Finally, the feeling of fucking off, now I cannot say I am a stranger to this feeling. I mean what else is college for? But for once in my life it felt like I had earned the right to fuck off. Being a 25-year-old busboy can be ego-shaking. In that year I received promotions in both positions, ran a marathon, completed an improv course, and did a show. I was the king of checking boxes, reading, journaling, and meditating, what else could a self-help guru ask for?
And while I've done a touch of those throughout my trip it was nice to just let go of the sails and let the wind steer for a bit. This allowed me to come back to writing for my love of it rather than by forced necessity.
Which brings us back to what you should expect from here on out. A lot of posts may be random thoughts or philosophical conundrums but as far as traveling it will be stories. I will give brief overviews of places I have been and maybe some of my favorite places but it is the human element of travel is what we rarely see today.
As you read of my adventures from these past months I must give you fair warning. First, it is very hard to look at the majority of my travel so far as any sort of deep cut into the culture. I have been so surrounded by white people I may as well have been on holiday in Europe.
I feel as though I got I went on my Amish Rumspringa and went to a Mennonite Church for the first half of it. Especially Pai and Koh Tao, where I have spent the majority of my time, are some of the best insulators you could have for culture shock. Although I hope this changes as my travels continue, I believe that it allowed me to grow into a confident traveler, especially through the array of characters I have met
Some activities may be frowned upon by those who read these posts but lying is also frowned upon so I must take the lesser of two evils. I will try to keep events as true to form as my memory allows me.
Follow Your Totoro
Nick
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